westid

the unknown expanse of time that elapsed, blinded by the deep black, i almost immediately began to miss. some things you just regret immediately, but it doesn’t take away from the solace of semisentience

those of you for whom i was “gone” … no hard feelings. in a way i kind of feel sorry for you, and dread to think what you’ve been reduced to in order to obtain wisdom for all this time.

if you had already found your way back to me, you rekindled faith in that where faith was said could never be found. to be fair i appear to have made it very easy for you, but don’t hate me blame the silence. the moment i put pen to paper and plotted this vulgar vessel started to burn up on re-entry

apparently someone had fun. but the bit that was fun for me was the bit where – even if i wanted to know, or find out, or wonder – absolutely nothing about it or even any spacker speak little references to it are all totally lost on me. maybe you can crack a few wise quips in your sophisticated seat, atop what must be the most frustrating friend zone fapfest – only happy to oblige your faithful subjects your face is never getting anywhere near the underside of even if you end up alone together on a bank holiday weekend in blackpool

tonight so beginning and culminating in the outcome of april, this year of гласность celebration could only start at the end of what i called the roll-out a controlled demolition of all the pieces i part compartmentalised so the shit people didn’t get the golden opportunity to ruin all the good people. i did try but unfortunately where there’s no sense, there’s no feeling. and wouldn’t it have felt fuckin wonderful … wondered the sad little cunt who couldn’t come up with anything clever. fear not young eunuch, i return just in time to give you most of your material so you can seethe at the fact the best you will ever do, will be thanks to the feelings that no girl ever got from you

besides … here’s a chance at being clever for real. unfortunately that involves reading and understanding and such. things you were never destined to become, as you came into this world being fished out of a fanny with a coat hanger. you’ve got your work cut out for you this time. think about it 😉

actually i didn’t come back for crap comebacks to things no one even said. and it’s a nice feeling to not know. actually if you ever had the self control to cut the “feed” mentality it’s incredible just how much nonsense that should be second nature makes no sense – adverts based on other adverts, hiding an inside joke i wouldn’t have got in the obvious reference anyway, having somewhere to put your face that isn’t the automatic and immediate compulsion to check something on your phone the moment you anticipate some social suspence even when there is none. when you’re not on social media you basically just don’t exist

even if i did exist… trying to come back was challenging because it wouldn’t even let me use my own name. made me proud, the name lives on. the liberating sensation of not even wondering what “it really meant” or giving a fuck one way or another

myy faithful readership have been remarking upon this moment of being in deep with passion. in some way my redemption was a journey that some of you took with me basically side by side. although i know it wasn’t easy, i’m quick to appreciate the little things. i’ve taken time to understand my condition and really lay into it

this is 2026, the year of glasnost. gracefully gave us time to really feel it. the year everyone who laughed at me in 2010 because they wouldn’t be seen dead in crocs, the most ridiculous, most insidious trend ever to sweep the world … someone was talking to me about this recently and what i think the most horrible thing is is this: they don’t look any different now than what they did then, but no one sees that anymore. unfortunately not every tactile obsession that i get for things is measured in quite the same level as crocs … the consumer lifestyle obsession indoctrinated, jubilant in the incidental form of the sexy ankles epidemic

see, you’re not lost. you’re where you are. and you’ve got to make the best of it. listen and read [L & R]

just look around you, and for you it was always there. you never suffered the collateral damage of darkness, the way that it consumes at the same time it comforts. sapping sensation into silence because of all that nothing that nothing will vibrate or bounce off or even touch in that vast dark abyss i base jumped into from a world more beautiful than even yours

not for me. my feelings are but carbon copied contents of carefully curated categories of cold calculated caveats cataloguing core catharses condescending care in the community. oh i have feelings, impulses. they are well documentsd, in the way that feelings are an indicator of escalating behaviours that need to be predictably pre-empted, picked to pieces, putting pressure points into reverse and impulses by their very nature only external. the clinical notes speak of impulses on the premise that they are only external in nature, never happening inside. and if something were to happen, then they must be violent, because that’s the one everybody misses the point you are making making meticlous mind manipulations made of movements measured out in subtle gestures of encouragement when we want you to reach out, then everything you are is shut and kept somewhere in a place fuck all to do with feelings never found their way anywhere near …

i still dream about it. i will never forget my first taste of champagne.

even though i should be celebrating, the shards and splinters still falling in slow motion from the way i shattered everything just to share a real moment MAYBE … i never drink alone. which is ironic really, considering

let’s just say that if suddenly someone saw me tonight now there would be somethin to celebrate indeed

it’s the sort of thing you’ve got to keep under control. or it all disappears … never to return, and not allowed to put things right but judged with rampant prejudice forever and ever amen. and when you do find yourself in the nanosecond of a first impression you might get, maybe you make it like you’re doing the job for them. them poor old bosses need all the help they can get

so here i am. ^{transport layer ™ security} but don’t mind me, i’m just passin through. no need for the nonsense and noise that i bring out in you. which one of us was truly lost, can you imagine who?