first of all let me tell you something important. the only path to heaven, is via hell
you might think yourself a righteous monolith of integrity. mainstayer, mainly on the moral high ground… it weren’t so difficult for just anyone to put themselves there, and if there was some reaching out to be done; that’s when the people you stand on really picked a good moment. but there’s something you should know
if me appearing bothers you, don’t worry. maybe the idea of you appearing might have bothered me
this year i am dedicating myself to something called glasnost. an old russian word i adopted to describe the whole process of enemies becoming friends. never having to stay Xn steps ahead of y again, needing the shit they can cause you so that O(n) is never ever an exponent
before any knob heads think they deserve credit for my humility and redemption … for a long time, people were meeting outside my home in special gatherings every day as some kind of sick sociopathic vigil; just to be in the vicinity of my situation, be a part of it
as part of my documented and my personally significant decision to dedicate a meaningful expanse of my life to the spirit of enemies becoming friends, is to tie a loose end that does not have anything in it for me. this is because i’ve tried to do more of that in the past but not hard enough, and also any vestiges of self interest in that plan – for me, at least – makes the entire effort pointless
before i went to university a colleague at work fell out with me because while i was pissed one weekend at sanctuary in burnley getting thrown out because of smoking and flicking my ash in the pockets on the pool table, might have made a few mistakes that night one of which meant messaging his mum. the technical support job i could do in my sleep going to the forklift driver / fucking everything off so that i could give my life to the ambitions that made me think there was a future … well i was a cunt and i did leave anyway, but i tried to put things right. i could have just gone and fuckin be rid of it. but what kind of a person would that have made me?
yeah things never go back to the way they were, and sometimes it’s not even my fault someone just saw their chance to jump on – made it about someone boring and shit, squandering their own potential – couldn’t even face me when i was the one tryin to put things right
one thing you can count on for sure … i’m going to make someone deliriously happy and give them things no one else would part with in a million years
why expect that from any man? the worst thing is – if you’re bothered about me – i meant it. it explains what’s always the obviousest thing you will pick as your first target … something i have that you haven’t
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