westid

i lost a lot of blood today, and my method of preparing myself for the uncomfortable task was getting absolutrely fucking loaded continuously for several days. the attempt to distract myself from the painful but worth it because all the people who tried to inflict their “nobody else gets to walk from their fucking problem as if it never happened, so neither should he” … a surprisingly prominent demographic, i quiickly discovered … can fuck reight off now that their absolute fucking campaign they waged against me has failed because i backed a winner

i’ve seen it happening for myself i was aghast … like a secret cult of key members of the “everyone is the same in the head” brigade, very alarmingly start working together quickly as if they all had training by the SAS in how to infiltrate every layer of management and then cajole, guilt trip, “divert”, fuck about, lecture any sense of entitlement out of someone so that it is completely extinguished

i suppose you want the lung cancer patients to open their windows and allow a gentle breeze from outside to “air out the house” and even though they didn’t smoke just told that they’re not getting enough cardio vascular and it would help if they get out more

even though i didn’t clock onto this straight away because i assumed that i was just hallucinating, i’ve really set someone off with that steganography remark and even though i can’t see what the fuck it’s supposed to say even though i tried … it looks like someone went to some sort of length trying to communicate something. because i have expended a lot of wasted energy on moments of glasnost while in session – which starts off deep at the beginning – on somoene who turned out to be completely non-existend twice now … i hope you don’t feel rejected if i just point out that if anyone is going to convince me to go through any of what was covered again, they are going to require minimum the proof-of-existance confirmation of knocking on, or reaching me by telephone or similar device – but i am really only saying that because i don’t want to disappoint whoever appears to have gone to very imaginative and extreme length of getting messages to me, projected from a distance where knocking on would just look like a fuck load easier, or in this situation, worthwhile to attempt first

it might interest you to know that i run my own encrypted messaging platform that allows you to identify yourself using a nickname – which basically makes you anonymous to anyone else using it – if you are struggling to find a way of writing a message that will ever succeed of getting my attention. as i felt myself give less of a shit while time went on – i decided that if i stripped them from all my feeds then not knowing if it’s still happening at all will encourage actually speaking to me, which has always been effective enough to say things to me

i sense if this is an attempt of communicating anonymous or outnumbering hatred and abuse, it looks like you can flush that plan away with other methods that don’t work anymore like facebook or whatever people use to take their faces for a shit that has replaced that. me having absolutely no idea one way or the other appears to have reduced you to what i can only ignorantly dismiss as a desperate last resort because you’ve actually run out of ways of saying things without actually talking to me

** i did consider the flimsy way that sometimes weak people go for the low hanging fruit by bullying and assaulting autistic people, the only threat that i’ve posed to anyone else is when i decided primary school deserved a real chance **

but i’ve had such a good day i can’t be assed writing any of it out because anyone who did alright with game changing syllabus in year 1 has probably cracked what the message here, with which sorry excuse for a usage example was going to be

all i’ve done is fuck about and scope a continuous stream of deep sounds all day long. apart from someone taking vial after vial of blood – which will feel very strange if you’re ever fuckin loaded while they’re doing it. a very bizarre encounter indeed

maybe something can be a bit too real. tune…

i know i’ve been going on with a few things for a while now bud seem to have got this idea in my head that everyone’s got this toy that writes things onto surfaces and it’s cool cos they’re doing some kind of mad shit with each other but stopping to provide annotations explaining it all to me

but i don’t know what it’s saying, couild be answering to, it might not be about me, it’s ridiculous because things keep changing and i can’t make it out at all – and it’s just a misplaced layer that’s developed between me, the other me – who is being a prick because he doesn’t do weekdays – and this foolish idea that the only way to get around the layers is to smuggle something direct and meaningful around the entire process from here to there, by telling it to …. for fuck sake to whom have i just entrusted this? it’s like this new gadget everyone else has been playing with all through the night – a fictitious prop metaphor that creates a splintered incomprehensible sequence of text that sticks to a solid surface for an arbitrary / unknown length of time laughing at me because i can’t accept that’s all you are ever going to notice, and you’re not going to address what you can see with anything because that’s how it will always look from over here … and the reason i didn’t suddenly have this ridiculously impractical mode of communication, because who knows what the fuck it’s supposed to say when it has to travel from there to here; and i may as well keep my cash and not buy one because i will never answer something i don’t understand, but i will stare at it uselessly because all i can do is try, even though it doesn’t fucking matter or have anything to do with me in the first place

[see, there isn’t really a gadget that fires broken up text at surfaces … i am hallucinating this because they look liek they’re having lots of fun but the occasion never comes when i will be able to come in and join them in their world … because there aren’t any layers in mine, and i wil never know how to trust that layers can take in what i said to … [empty seat on the settee] … fuck sake! it’s done me all over again

a couple of weeks ago it didn’t even crack the top ten. but more recently i got a second chance maybe. reight then, i said. and when i say reight then … brief synopsis i’m goinhg to make more of an effort because there’s no way i’m gonna lose my fuckin birthright ever again … most people sorry to say are not gonna be right busy again. it were either start learnign magic tricks or develop an androgynous eccentricity. yeah you are going to have a lot of time to work on shit like that

i came out of jail and pedple had fucked off or died; it took me a while to realised what was so different and how. i did not recognise myself. people never recognised me. i made this site – because fuckin social media it were good at interpreting people’s content from a sidechannel of people that were just generally out to take the piss … probably had a right laugh and really bonded with one another since you got that weird looking eccentricity. so i fucked off from it all and fucking amen for that … now i can post what is direct feom me wihtout [i had quite a few dedicated group chats and they worked hard to provide what must have felt like a right face ache to be around, an obligatory piss take panel. some of it were actually pretty original and funny but fuck me constant … you can stil take the piss out of me on there as far as i know, but how disappointing i am never going to detect a presence. if what was happening was just clean banter nobody would have tried so hard, i didn’t even understand how so many people i had never met had such opinions. wherever i could not think where it must have come from, because you can’t make your own when you know fuck all about someone, never looked them in the face, never involved that person at all in what was to become the first impression that you’re given

i have an incredible tendency to cause unsuspecting people that had not met one another, to unite as one against me / every where that i may go. they get proper into it, and have brilliant get togethers and close friendships that go on forever

somewhere between then and now i have learned in the hardest way possible how eassily it can be to judge someone based on a frivolous anecdote you just didn’t bother to qualify when you got the chance, and repeat outright

now i’m mother fucker cunt number one. risen to that high up a position from the very same people who know all about how to get in your head and wind you up just ro get a bit of a laugh about when they read all the shit that’s been going on since. nowadays i’ve progressed to the highest honour that is ever bestowed upon a cunt – arch-cunt supreme – i have robes and a crown and everything

unfortunately for the general reliability of information, i have given everyone something that made my notoriety as an annoying cunt more distinguished than ever … somewhere that you could get my geniune perspective, and only of something i’ve decided to write about – not in the way preferrred by most people who like to fuck people about and wind them up: in an un-necessary and spiteful attachment that comes with everything. the very day that you were suddenly able to “like” comments i knew the whole thing was fucked

since then, people pissed off i spoiled their fun would pop their head out from time to time and do something twatty that hopefully i will come to notice, that really doesn’t give a fuck about how fucking out of order it is when they go and do it

yeah and so i knew what someone looked like who were in the uncomfortable unknowable phase of a wind up. and by then i knew much better about what it does to people when you get your information from someone to whom braindead repetition of what they say about people is – for an unspecified purpose – important

i’ve been in deep to fuck and i’m having sad little mentalities about hand-written text was launched as a projectile onto buildings and surfaces. obviously wouldn’t be the right kind of encounter to judge (or understand) something that’s being said by – well if only someone had kept a box of crayons to one side for a delicate occasion such as this

because i openly like to have a good munch and sit there benging some quality 4th measure fuckin tunes. i write bespoke adult literature for custom requests / i am an actual scientist with an advanced background in computer systemr, distributed systems, and intelligent robotic systems … might have been a waste of life’s choices / ambitions / opportunitites / success … for any number of people to whom those distinctive accomplishments are a fuckin unbelievable waste of their limited time a person tends to get on this planet. but i don’t think it would be fair any of them could get judgemental about what i was doing in my continuous and remarkably long enduring length of time for things to take a turn toward deep. i don’t have the usualy typicalities that are expected when someone is prejudiced / belongfing to a demonstratively large demographic of people for whom taking such a tone really does hypocrite themselves unashamedly. i hypocrite myself in all sorts of ways you have probely had mad conversations about. but just as i am not ashamed to admit that, i don’t come it like an obligation to feel ashamed was cast upon who is simply a target of prejudice

druggys and fat people, two of the very few stereotypes that it’s socially acceptable to have uncogitative and fundamental trajectory of ignorant hatred [prejudiced condemnations] towards … picked a real good moment to subject myself to some of that. my head is still trying to find a way around how it felt to be plumbed into the absolute fucking mains, while having a very large amount of blood being taken from you in a clinical environment – at the same time, not something i would look forward to repeating any time soon – but if you just get on with the things that you enjoy doing, irrelevant and of no concern with what other people are going to think

anyway long story short i’ve fucking landed a number of things that were unrealistic, a waste of time even ttying, takign the fucking p;ss to want in the first place. but when i want something i adapt and overcome anything that’s either been put there / just likes the aggro that comes in between

i know that certain people read what i’m writing about on here all the time, sometimes co-incided with unusual / reactively motivated attitude or behaviour

it’s difficult to not notice when some people have turned up somewhere personally when a real presence didn’t ever come to interact with you then and in person. personally i’ve always held out for the real deal, it’s squandered here and there regularly. excuse me for gaining back an actual future i had given up on for such a long time; it’s something that will motivate you to make all kinds of evolving changes to things. unusual though … what the fuck i have done to anyone, to become such a target for so many people. they never said anything to me. i don’t remember saying a word to any of them

when i get the writing (a subtype of paranoia caused by a developing hallucination of hand-written text being somehow spread onto / all over things) it uusally does get a bit intense. but what had i said or done to anyone – who didn’t know me or anything about me, or had spoken to me ever as long as i remember, to be able to get upside – in that weay i know only too well – someone who prefers to spend their time not being near me, i have seen on a number of occasions caught between this provocaton that’s gonna piss you off and how unlikely it is that i would allow anyone, who didn’t help by not having anything to do with me, to speak for me

after having a good run of everything just going right, which was about fucking time it you ask me. i’ve taken on even more ambitions to keep me busy working and thinking / figuring shit out and not giving up – which i managed to do in a large batch job of everrything in one afternoon

i’m going to take some time to chill and enjoy myself the way that i like to, doing things that are very enjoyable in fact – many of these things are not traditionally what people set out to do, when they’ve been doing well enough lately to invest in themselves with a bit of downtimme, remarkably the best opportunity to look up from things like passion / vocation and focus more on what you enjoy than what you do as work which is something you’re obligated to do all the rest of the time and for better or worse the duties involved