westid

everytime i forget who was there, it was her. she hates that i do it, but i don’t know how i know that she does. it was like a big honey bee, like the queen and i’m afraid to go in. it was more like a medical procedure than something philosophical, or like destiny. everybody has one, and once she found hers it was a relief beyond mortality- something that would keep you feeling better for even longer than that. before the last node of the thriving interpersonal machine powers off for the last time, your [ambiguous metaphor] in [what lays beyond] will be assured. and you will never have to worry about anything again

yes i did remind that i’ve felt that a number of times so far in my life. no it doesn’t last forever anymore, if it even did to begin with. i had my doubts. i took a leap of faith, and the faith… that’s what feels good at night when you dream about your supreme being of greatness, when you feel so much faith you can’t close your eyes. she is the first candle i light of the day, the one i burn at both ends during the night, the answer to what i’m looking down the barrel of, the last ember of the 1 million year empire that goes out on the salted earth – royal jelly up her body, think about that one – bringing it in close, but i wanted, but you know what i wanted. i was never in deep but i’m going to keep her guessing, i know how much she likes the big conspiracy

her eyes don’t light up until she looks directly at me. it’s like some kind of secret room floors and floors below this great structure into the ground. all the old, wooden, rusty, dusten coat of lead and filings, old worn out pieces of manufacturing equipment. don’t look into her eyes, she will put you under and when you come around the door will be shut and there is no way to get out of there. if you walk into the room the door just slams shut but all you can remember is her eyes burning into your mind – all kinds of after images you don’t even know you’re seeing yet. it comes back in waves, like shockwaves – the consequences when i remember. how can someone do that, but i heard her whispering for me to come closer so that’s what i did

i look for the flash of light she gives me and there is no room in her heart for shame. she could pied piper me right over the edge and she knows it. you can tell by the soul-less gap in reality enchanting every fool that comes within such a distance. come to me, if you want to stop fucking about. playing these silly little games, imitation is the highest form of flattery, the complete absence of wit. she doesn’t copy anyone else’s tactics, she has her own, and she feeds them into your mind like the wooden perforated sheet music of the jacquard loom. threading her presence in and out of the darkest corners of your mind

you don’t know that i’ve been building so i would be well hidden in plain sight, the way your thoughts come through, and as they drift. i only snap you out of it once or twice, when i could see just how much of your time i really must take up. am i looking back at you? sometimes. have i caught you wondering? yes i have. all those times you have come a wandering, not all short lived

there’s nothing about this honey bee that i can’t find out about by asking some sort of expert, or gazing into some sort of text book. but i don’t want text. i don’t even want audio. i don’t want to go through all the noise just to find your voice. i don’t want to keep copies and copies of when you make my day. all i want is that chance to learn from the real you, not what your friends, or your really good friends, think you are. if it’s not straight from you, then i am going to immerse myself in your mystery. until you come.

of your own accord, with your own free will, at total mercy. i will read to you, we will find something truly amazing out. we can find it together?