westid

i can hear the banging around and it’s not like i listen for it. it takes some sort of threshold to elapse in your life when you can look all those nightmares, pain, blackmail, fear narcoleptically eyes darting back at you and it doesn’t register on an emotional level. i sit upright in the middle of the night pupils at breaking point and then some – succumb to irrational, intangible feeling of solid fear but your heart beats so slowly and in kind the rational side overrides what it is usually stifled and smothered by

total lock on your mind. i see her flashing with that look at me and it’s like bullet straight through there every time that she does it. can she tell what’s happening? does she think she can drive me crazy or something? … NB: a fork in the B-road of thought emerges with the tarmac squashed up to an old tree stump … do you think she can read your mind? is she doing this to me in some way? is it even something that i should be worried about? is it her fault or mine? am i projecting anything subconsciously

i can’t draw but if i could i would show you why it takes up so much of my thinking sometimes. as with the induced sound of the bell coming from nowhere in particular – the self-fulfilling enigma of the signalman below there. but it’s animated pretty well and for such a strong depiction it has surprising nuance of detail but that could be one too many doylies of grandiose in the short term memory

i don’t have a short term memory. she’s taken it from me. when am i going to get this back? why would i let me wait for it in the first place. i’m not waiting around for no fucker. who would want to pick that apart in the psychotic throes of the middle of the night in the morning

i can feel your presence subliminal. there’s a big perspex and my hands are up against it and yours. we move anywhere but apart. something is pulling us together and it’s almost really funny to try and struggle against it. like it tickles because you know how frivolously futile it is, so the only reason we would even try is because it’s a ridiculous idea

and the tears of venom sting as they roll down my face. i see you through the film it leaves a lens of you through on the surface

reach.