westid

Subconscious
It took me quite a while to wake up from what was otherwise a restless dream. I woke up again in that other place, whatever I’m supposed to call it. Yesterday I was hit with a bit of a tick of the epoch clock. The buzzer hardly ever goes off on this one, but when it does… yah yah you get idea

BBC Parliament has been getting the job done. It wasn’t until the mirror of BBC News stopped playing that I was really struggling to get to sleep. Now people in the business of Parliament sleepily narrate what I rely on as the most tiresome droning repetition

I got an email today inviting me to go to a fine dining world class with two other candidates. If I am chosen as the next candidate I may be initiated, but that’s a while off yet. Just got to sort some other things in my life out first, I think

Somehow, given that I’ve been in some kind of medical limbo for the last 5-10 years, I can definitely detect a sense of haste, as I’m being hurried along out the door. It’s not really blown my life apart more so than it already has- that’s for sure

Every shit consequence of the nonexistence of any kind of support from the NHS, the amount of times people said there’s nothing wrong with me and just take the absolute piss, down to the time I was indecently assaulted by someone who was on the phone to my dad, trying to get there first so that i don’t beat him to the end of the wedge. All them consequences befallen me already. Now it’s probably more a case of damage control than anything else, especially if it comprises any love both denied and realised as the point of no return

I sat there watching the Who Killed Malcolm X documentary series. Apparently it’s really good. I haven’t formed an opinion yet but definitely very interesting, especially considered that there was so much surveillance and putting a lampshade on the wrong sort of people- obsessed with the accumulation their own greed

It’s just gone dinner time by my watch. [12 noon]. Today, I have to ring the private company who do my GP work (for people with no GP) and tell them that I’ve just been diagnosed with autism. Maybe I will become an autist. Remember that program after school, “aut attack!” – wasn’t that fun?

Time appears to have slowed down to an almost infinitesimal rate. I’m smoking the weed, and building my new communication platform. Sometimes when I’ve got nothing better to do, I mess around with config files, trying to upgrade my services so that they might entertain users one day. It’s just something that relaxes me and keeps my mind focused

I only wish I could come to that sort-of actualisation, before it’s too late . . .