westid

it’s so peaceful to the night. one for a stroll along the side of the water, and in the pitch dark, ear-ringingly silent ambience, i jump headfirst into the water. the cold whooshes its way into every weak spot on my body straight away, and almost snatches the soul right out of me. though i close my eyes and i’m outdoors under the stars in total darkness – with real country dark – i see light, as somehow should i open them i may see something illuminated and brilliant

completely stifled by being well beneath the surface of the water, i go on and talk anyway. kiss me. kiss me here in the deep silence. take me by the hand and make us fly through the water, the mansion on the hillside, the warm protection of this secret place – entry to it down on the bottom. i can only see it because you are taking me there. though you couldn’t swim awry inside. no one would think to look for us here

yeah i’ve got ghosts all around me. beautifully cured claws scratch my back, these hands sporadically reaching into my mind with their ideas; conjure up corrupting and distracting thoughts and feelings and put them there right where they will play with me the most. i could stay forever, here suspended in the water. but really whether you jump in the water or not – all this, what we have here, is forever – the only thing that would make all of the difference of eternity for me is in mind

i would like to check out right away please, if all that i have is what i think it would be like, it would only be worth more if it was forgotten. if the only companion i have together is you, then i already have a couple of million years of ideas. i’m sure we could take it from there

these things don’t take up a lot of my thoughts, i could be there all fascinated but if no one will snap me out of it then is it all worth not missing a moment?

i thought i knew what love was. what was, it changed me. i’m not forever about it now, but i’m not the same person that i were. were i to compare myself with that than what it all is now

that thousand-yard stare just goes off into forever. if i told you that i loved you back now, you would probably think it meaningless – because i didn’t say anything back then, but now …

i don’t know what i want. sometimes i wish someone would come along and show me. and i would move heaven and fucking earth. all i would need for that is to know. to know that it’s real, and more than just filling in the blanks – or letting myself believe what hurts the least