westid

crackling and spreading in the mist, every hard surface you get to see and touch adopts the crawling pattern of winter. clocks say the right time again, for long enough to notice that it had changed even though they went back a while ago. smoke plumes as i exhale; aahhh, good. another life shortening satisfaction pushes deeper into my lungs. i take in this calming effect from the cold, and it flirts between the near and far side of sub zero

core temperature is low. give me solace in the surplus of peace and quiet that i maintain for myself. make links with the ultraconducting wire of fibre optic cables. make connections with the quietly observing but ever present acolytes of my dreams – i.e. you people. yes… here i am. living and breathing most maintained. i am here.

repetitious tech / house rhythms feed directly into my ears through headphones de-cabled by coded radio signals from the machine, sitting in pride of place beside me; able to reach me in every room, in any position vertical / horizontal / mounted, at any time. usually i would have 50 windows open and 150 tabs going at once on my browser, but not this night. tonight i felt like sharing my thoughts, although not completely sure what they will mean to you, nor certain what they mean to me, but they do mean something i know that

living, i exist here in a perpetual state of nonbinding. it’s not by choice, even though a series of conscious and deliberate choices i continue to make are involved in keeping it going. lo … the people, bless their hearts, they see someone that i’m not. they cannot change what they want to see, but the person in their eyes’ watch is not me

some evenings i spare myself the sleep, thoughts like these run roughshod and ruminous. you may be familiar with that feeling – laying down with your eyes shut, this epiphany that descends on your mind concludes, is a futile endeavour – you might as well be doing something constructive, cunning, creative; be kind to yourself and pull back the bedsheets. go and do something, or wear yourself out until the thoughts bleed from your exhausted insomnia no more

you can’t put a price on overtime when you live for free. that’s something you can only learn from being me. there is a wonderful upside to that if you think about it properly: any investment of time becomes a commitment of dedication to yourself

my point of view isn’t unique by any stretch … millions of people live free like i do and maintain sovereignty over their whole lives. the only downside to that is: irrelevant people underestimate you all the time. but i never forget to enjoy what i’ve already accomplished, i don’t stop looking forward to what i’m working on next. you will no doubt have heard people judging me, but they’re so wrong you should pity them; i’ve achieved things that none of those people will ever amount to in their entire life, and now everything happens on my terms. that’s why they hate me so much

despite my type A feats of strength that occupy my time, type B red light illuminates every surface of my home. everything ♀ wants, ♀ gets. instead of fighting fire with my own version of fire, all categories of chaos; everything that would be blue has instead faded to black

now deep in the frost and the dark, my presence glows blinding the objects around it. breaking through is the other side of me, which lays everything i think down for the immediate subsequence of certain and even sometimes self sabotage. surrender.