westid

listen and read [l & r]

i usually have such a good memory – fully in spite, that thing i can’t get out of my head started to squish ino my new shoes. crocs are making me stupid? no. but when i felt that, some kind of venom sprayed from a poisonous snake reclused in my mind. and while i was busy having a perfect memory, the corrosive feeling started to leak into my confidence and suddenly i was getting everything wrong – or not quite right – i dunno

before i could turn my mind onto anything else, i tried to cross the line but the spring trap leaped ten feet in the air and caught the thought that was about to try and revive by bringing the strength of my word back alive. but just as soon as it felt like i had finally got ahead … lo, i did not survive

so i’m going to escape this week from the hive, i’m thinking of fucking off somewhere proper good for a real drive

my stupid shoes i can’t take them off because it makes me put them back on. i found someone who i would like to put them on; brings back all the fond memories, how i would give my reflexology lessons and once my unsuspecting student suddenly learns about my classes, it would be rude to not have just another one. i hate crocs and when someone puts mine on so i can watch that revolting burst of horror they get when they look down at my shoes on their own feet and feel something that’s impossible to get ready for, that’s just been waiting for you this whole time … then i put them back on and watch out the corner of my eye how squishy and shiny my shoes have become now but with that helpless desperation because they’re on my feet and they can’t stop thinking about how that intoxicated feeling – looks just the exact same as when i did it like a secret weapon they never realised was lighting up all these different patches of colour covering their entire body inside and out

i’m starting to go off the whole idea of having trainers no matter how dapper. with the exception of completing the finest matching adidas ensemble

in the 2010s when it was about all that drinking that happened, it would be nice to bask in everyone’s hatred of these beautiful blue shoes (that you can’t get in that better shape now because they have changed somehow) … it was best to pick someone who was a bit elitist with the statement they made using their clothing emo, goth, &c. so they would put these monstrosities on and [yep, it was exactly the same back then … even better in fact] then after that they would be fucked. started wearing polka dot dresses and that – jackpot!

i can talk about this slurry of dopamine all i want, everyone’s probably given up on reading, or even worse refused to comply with listen & read … but there are things about me that i think no one will understand beyond the kind of understanding that gets the eyes rolling and the attention span lost forever

all roads lead to the same place when it comes to that, and that’s the moment it hits me – while all this shit is going on, somehow i discover …. i’m in deep and i never saw that status creeping up on me

one thing didn’t fail to impress me though. i managed to continue this feeling my thoughts are going to now, but the title is still solid. deep.

as we sail to the moon, i will let you all in on a little secret of mine. even though i’m on day 3 … it has been a real long day for me. someone has let me in, and i’m talking the real deal not a piss take

not everyone will understand this rubric that i start talking about sometimes, but if you truly know me this is not an exaggeration, nor cryptic in the slightest….

i’ve been through some absolute times since i was cast down from the nirvana under the clear blue sky, the world of the beaudiful people. they put a spell on me and turned me into a beast without a name … and threw me out onto the street in the middle of preston, where i collapsed. since that day, i walk amongst the overgrowth on the planet’s surface. barely able to see the world i was born into above us without blinding myself from how the sun shines so bright from up there, whether or not it was barely reaching the ground for any of us

the beaudiful people feared a revolt at first, but my anger and pain was never in spite of them. so when i kept the wonders and secrets of their world, never speaking of them as i wander amongst the civilisation known only as “the other ones” … their peace of mind and respect for the honour i kept even while exiled from my own people was solid enough to let them forget about me and go abour their wonderful lives

though i don’t blame them, and being completely unrecognisable under their spell that warded away the essence of true love. i faded into the forests and walked on alone … their memory of me faded away from everyone

there were flashes of determination, futile attempts to climb with nothing but my own two hands back to a place that exists in the upper altitude … many times i have landed flat on my back exhausted. betrayed by my own mind and my own body

the politics went on, as politics develop and proceed in any place represented by the will of the people. broken from falling and landing, i led petitions, masterminded brilliant campaigns like the one that brought you all here. but high up in the ranks, they gladly ignored me … no one was going to break the wall of silence that ensured my permanent state of exile

i’ve been fooled before, but i have no choice but to believe. something has changed, and in the veil of the plain sight that blinds all faces down here … a small delegation sent by the beaudiful people, much to the delirious unrelenting surge of strong emotion, have finally broke the silence and let me in

… albeit petrified that i might suffer grievously if i let some of this raw unadulterated hope in, i almost wept as the power of their message went through me. dangerous flashbacks of who i really am, swaggering so close to the sun i was absolutely smoking with icarus; it was not easy to predict which way my head was going to fall off first. flashbacks of my fucking birthright got through. sovereign.

even though they didn’t feel the uncertainty of my presence anymore, some of the beaudiful people’s most elite members of the inner monarchy were curious enough to find this place i write to you still even now – and i did tell everyone who came to listen – there would come a day when i would walk beside them back with the beaudiful people once again, and that they wouldn’t be doing themselves any favours if even one of them – basically what they were all waiting for – broke formation, to come and stand beside me once again

as it stands, i’m still in deep and exiled. no one from the beaudiful people had the chance to lean on those who came to give me their message. but i’m not sorry at all that, for someone who mattered and had the real power to let me live again, i got to make my own impression before they could be led away by whatever means necessary. i’m not sorry either, they came down from eternal paradise, nirvana; in my eyes harbingers of massive tectonic blasts that flew high from the planet’s core into the heights of the chosen, because they might have chosen me

when they left the next move in my hands and returned to bluesky, and the brain-malfunctioning intensity that preceded their arrival subsided, i got up from the floor and wiped away a tear i seemed to have shed; i was finally able to collect myself, and bring the prospect of returning to my birthright back down to real talk

i’ve got things i need to sort out. that living in the world of the beaudiful people again isn’t going to solve on its own. and probably is going to become the kind of braindead shallow shit that requires no sentience at all again – so not the only thing that needs to be kept nice, simply for people to look at without requiring any depth to negotiate

the computer tells me to word my thoughts [i don’t think in a language] using the fewest possible. my real self was quite a minimalist, so it makes sense. this way, my hope to see the place that i have missed for so long and come home, wouldn’t develop into too much certainty which scales with how crushed you can become in the event that this is pulled out from under me so that it extinguishes all hope

but as long as there is a chance out there to be me again, whom they will finally all remember, i will keep things like love in my heart. what i’ve perhaps been kept in this state of deprivation of the longest…