westid

i was going to lull you for coming to check up on my thoughts, with wonderful echoes of the true to life tales that had cumulatively really made life worth living. maybe some frustration about how there’s some outrage that i never caused, perpetuating itself because any mistakes that were made which might have back-fired like a motherfucker are somehow seen as my fault. but i can’t be assed

when i think about what i want to write, it’s something very different from trying to appease some weapon in hope they might fuck off and leave me alone. there are some echoes of each time they couldn’t stop me from seeing over onto the other side of the massive wall that’s somehow kept between us as – otherwise side by side – we are segregated from one another while we live our lives

you can try and make an example of me all you want. one thing i do know and never neglect to say – there is fuck all you can do to me that can top anything i’ve been through. you might be able to force yourself on me to prove your worth to some people but i’m telling you now, none of them people give a fuck or see you any different than what they know you are … and as soon as you’ve fucked off i’ve not learned a thing; the moment you turn your back on me you’re out of my fucking head quicker than you could try and make me shovel hot shit

sometimes i try and force myself to see things your way but i’ve had your point of view forced upon me by all sorts of people who can’t accept their own inadequacy and in all the years i’ve had to fucking put up with it – the general idea / the power dynamic of it didn’t change

when people come on here and want to know my thoughts – i’m gonna be fucked if i’m supposed to bore the shit out of them with you, what you’ve done because you’re forgetting yourself, and what my fucking reaction is – however the fuck such a response is ought to be

there are people that deserve absolute fucking volumes, libraries. an abundance – verse after verse why they are so brilliant and what makes me admire them, how they inspired me, and how it has always been that way, even if in person i would be too stricken by their presence to utter a word, millions of miles further up the list of what my readers would deserve to know of my thoughts before any of this silly nonsense even appears on the distant horizon

the atmosphere is positively charged with the irony of it all. such input and most of it comes from the people who probably don’t even know that i exist. from whom i suppose a normal person would get the least, i somehow perceive the most

sometimes it gets so twisted that i see people who can’t finish what they start, and even though whoever it is ain’t actually there – somehow still they will never forget me. bizarre

someone can watch me fall, or even bring me down from grace. that does not stop me from seeing ever so clear – when someone comes it a disgrace, themselves. bringing me down doesn’t ever put me in too deep because that’s where i started from in the beginning. where you see bedrock, i know solidarity. a solid foundation at that, not so strong it could stop me from setting down my roots. because i know, however it’s gonna happen, i will rise again

i hold myself back a lot, i suppose. that’s because i have worked on my self discipline. and it pays …. because everyone wins. you get your glory, because i’ve never done anything back. enjoy your laurels while the sun is shining, and be grateful you took a cautious moment to stop and look around before you start getting ideas about taking it for granted