westid

things never used to be like they are now, where before they even look they already think they know all they are probably [that’s the word they will use right before the moment when you clock this fact yourself] going to see. even though that’s how everything ended up – i still have no idea what that image is when anyone who is everyone, how the fuck does it even come up in their every day, are going on like they don’t need to look because they know everything about me :O

not so long ago, someone asked me a question i had never thought about before. they asked me how i am with body language. i think the answer i gave – certainly very poor, except when people make that weird screwed up face that means there has been a conversation about me, and i can’t trust them any more. see, it’s more “hints” and i think this is something in that moment i confused with the way people generally are. to one another; one of my thesis was on how the second nature of body language can be measured and analysed to form a collage of meta data, with the current everything technological grasp on image description, punctuation and context, natural language processing. some of the work was used on this big flying behemoth that chooses who to kill without human involvement in the decision called taranis, and people – especially actual doctors – cringe at the very thought of dignifying me with the title dr. – but i’m not allowed to prove it or go into detail of any kind anyway so that’s how fucking indian a gift that turned out to be. racist monster who hated your fucking guts for years because of some lifelong force-fed androgyny the very poster child of misogyny; 4 lads on the go get a right hook for mentionin tho. 5 minute conversation that’s me done and dusted. at least i don’t have to sit through all the fucking speeches at graduation ceremony. there’s a reason they give you the champagne before you get the chance to have anything to eat – but i don’t know who gets the better end of the deal …

if you find someone who was really there at the time, you will both already know a special vintage i was particularly fond of during my undergraduate years. but only one of you will melt with that particular fondness yourself since those times

although i’m surrounded by a complete set anyway, it were a totally different game back then. people who were far more intelligent were commonplace and with all the eccentricities you could ever hope for. one thing i love is information systems. see, the whole philosophy of the digital certificate key pair end to end whateverthefuck you wanna call it – is built into us instinctively. well actually, the basic firmware of a man is akin to something you might have heard of before called the jar of pennies experiment. when people start giving me the discerning eye for the queer guy, that’s when i suddenly start to notice body language because i suddenly realise i have no idea who the fuck i’ve been talking to all week

but neither do you. who are you anyway? and who are they? do you ever think back – who first put you onto this site? when did it become such a thing? i didn’t ask to be famous, it was more a supply and demand sort of thing. the problem was in the way that everyone tells me they tell one another. me – so besotted, the average IQ of everyone within a twelve mile radius – leaking all these bits and pieces of i just couldn’t but then i did and now it’s too late. where your body language gets it wrong though, and i know being a bloke it’s not that far-fetched you wouldn’t put it past me, is that i never tell’d everyone the same thing. and if you came together and confronted me as one, i would say what i said, and i would tell the same to you all. sometimes i’m so consistent, i tell people what i think / feel / know / hope / understand / &c. in the exact same way, with the exact same everything, and often someone will take pleasure in “catching” me “out” – yeah, i meant what i said so much i still mean it and that’s the way i still see it

it’s a shame, because when i was gettin it all it’s reight you know you can still … don’t finish that fucking sentence, please. because here’s something else, i have feelings. and you can still fuck with them as much as anyone. there’s something quite surreal about someone being so fucking good to you then knifehandling the fuck out of you, that i will never stop falling for, that no one with any sentience about them could turn away, or disappoint with shit like telling eight people the exact same thing. it’s obviously gone unspoken that bit, so allow me … you can get that anywhere, in any way, and at any time you want. just go on your phone and squeeze another lemon out and top up that clitoric acid. i can see the beauty in every one of you, and it is never the same / comparable in any way / quantifiable in any measure, from person to person. and that’s how i love the way information propagates between people [who aren’t starting to have weird feelings about a fucking jar of pennies], and how beautiful body language – whateverthefuck you can define that as – is to me

i will never turn you away for coming to me and reconciling any of this shit, and i will never hold a grudge or seek revenge. conflict only remembers mercy, something i will always give if someone shows me i matter to them [that] much

as you bond ever closer unbreakable, i feel the love as i imagine what it goes down like, and no. you may think you’re getting together for a real-life re-enactment of the last scene of death proof, but really? really i’m smiling because some people have found one another and brought one another together and it might be because of their mutual pity / disdain / shocking underestimate / secret admiration deep down under all this folderol / avec moi. is that good? the way i’m fucked up, and have discovered a way to let that start to heal in my own mind fuck waves and signals sort-of way, yeah i suppose that it is.

_{[westid x]}