westid

while everyone’s distracted pulling a better and more beautiful collection of music than any one of them has come up with, with a scrutiny that should be noticable given how it’s never been so sadistically applied to one person, [‘s higher state of being through the pure innocent joy a lifelong passion spent listening to music], it would take several days to fully listen to before a legitimate opinion can start to be formed for one’s self in the first place

don’t be ashamed when you are rubbing yourself out like an eraser that just can’t in spite of all it’s heat or friction, and you try to figure out whether or not i know what you’re doing. uh ohh… i do, and nothing you do will ever escape the fact that you did it all in the exact sequence of events i have slowly and meticulously enabled – that yes now you think back, peeled away your unbearably impatient squirming didn’t even realise was in a sequence, have already given your obedience – one finally enabled step, over the other

nothing i could ever say or do on purpose made sure that it all happened, the only thing that i should never have noticed burrows so deep but now will always know; no matter what any one of you readers out there can do / have done / are planning to do with me.. you will never be, however much you could fuck with me, get to take the piss by usually just because it’s something that they take for granted themselves not even malice aforethought – but still will never get past me no matter how much it rains down, from any great height, that may certainly slap me in the face, such is the sun that appears to fucking shine enough to guarantee, because i don’t take that for granted and won’t sell out on as soon as someone tries to make me feel like this ethically derelict goin back on my word and shit like that is going to dissolve away if someone can make me feel like they can break me just as soon as finishing me off becomes more important than this intransigence

i have no doubt that other people like me – and unlike me doesn’t fucking serve them right by inviting it on themselves – can only see the pain looking back, recognise the same things no one else would ever notice – the complete silence two people even fluent in sign language will never be able to communicate, ironic that it is suddenly completely redundant. nothing even i have difficulty trying to understand [they are called ‘cues’] and then look like a twat because everyone thinks in the same way and i figured it out but knob head here wants to be different. there’s nothing we could see in one another that wouldn’t somehow personally find looking back at in the mirror

sometimes i can’t speak about this in general throughout all our lives without being unable to stop anyone from convincing one another, sometimes they even convince me – that i only see this because it’s some way i would never go out of my way, but wouldn’t put past someone else who tried harder to control the way they were looked at by other people than i do, to make the world around me more tolerable because then i wouldn’t feel alone and could cope with knowing that other people go through this exact same thing, and i would be disrespecting / trivialising them by activating the neo-liberal fascist infrastructure that will suddenly – feel the responsibility a thoroughly prominent display of their self-awarded sense of entitlement that the fasict’s intrinsic moral superiority will gratify by showing everyone how merciful, how forgiving someone that is being singled out and ripped to pieces, has so benevolently been given this second chance, to openly surrender their self respect and purify themselves – rather than selfishly complain, be destroyed by, feel imprisoned by a situation away from the sort-of thing people who know fuck all think i have only ever managed to be

i do not rely on how readily someone will accept manipulation by me to determine what is likely to happen next – the only thing i am guilty of, is understanding the kind of things that go through the logic of the fascist

you know – there is something i will always enjoy about role reversal – the way everyone lives their lives vs. how they need something that excites them. for me this has been so easy to come by, in that the fucking masochistically shit way that control is such a given – have a hard time contradistinguish proper letting someone in, all the self sabotaging shit i do sometimes because it’s the only thing that doesn’t actually feel as though it could bore me to death / being able to give anything or anyone a chance that might even be surprisingly human of me if only they might get more out of it than i do- to be who they are the fucking narcoleptically nonexistant number of new or necessary people that haven’t pre-emptively heard about me, my mate said he will stop talking to me if i have anything to do with you – because that’s not fucking manipulative and malignant at all, right? if that is even still possible anymore – i wouldn’t so reliably manage to still chop down to size all by myself. i’m not desperate or a dodgy cunt or anythin, but at the same time don’t do mysel any favours at all – and will never ever be blessed unexpectedly making whatever it is [because it could be fucking owt] miraculous in recovery, make sense

sometimes, i know – it’s just natural selection innit oscar wilde charles darwin and that – there is a situation in front of me every fucking cunt is so determined will play out exactly a certain way. someone being encouraged to take a run at me their mates treacherously narrowing their eyes in that scrunched-up face that people do that means i can’t trust them any more, sort-of like pity, doesn’t know any better, “i’m in any way meant to be better than”

let all these dickheads put their life savings on something that’s probably even money from being boring, predictable – but reaches me in a completely different way when i see around me such a way in which it’s predicted. all that’s stopping this story from completely telling itself, all these knob heads are certain i will do whatever the fuck they think that i would do – then the complete set of bastards feeling turned from opinions formed out of sheer disrespect presume with hubris to speak for me, into reality that i feel with my heart instead of ache from seeing in the head – a transition only noticed by me when it happens

just waiting for the force of nature i so prolifically and invariably am, this lad who was comin for me after bein robbed climbed into my bedroom window with a meat-cleaver and it was the exact same face i did – this is it gonna get fuckin chopped up and served with the guy who burned a woman alive in the street that the cleaver had somehow become a trademark – just screwin up my face thinkin fuck sake get on with it then … just screwin up my mind thinking someone could be sat there waitin for shit like that off me. a genuine sense of duty not driven by the arrogant moral superiority of fascism, this is something that i could prevent from ever happening

sort-of, you know. didn’t look like someone who just foolishly doomed themselves to be hurt in any deliberate way at all. believe it or not, sometimes people have feelings whether or not it is convenient / shallowly nonchalant an occasion / they like it or not / this is fuck all i would wish on anyone. even if i could inflict them on anyone i wanted in the same way i would seriously regret having done by now. there’s something fucking wrong when all these, nah they can get fucked. and once i do that there here is the problem

i will never flush my shit on someone’s entire sense of self worth away that will leave them just waiting for being compared to someone else to be over and done with like the only thing left to do is put someone out of their misery. sometimes – especially when everyone thinks thinks that my conscience has a name and matters much more than you would expect someone to give a fuck about. needs to address. people can think whatever they want, have grated relentlessly all kinds of feelings i had no alternative but to feel my heart is extinguished by the sharpest 130mm red-bottomed spike. in the most garbage-disposable way, emotionless city pavement not even an environment to be friendly toward – but try usin me to fuck with someone else, don’t be so surprised when i start with the ad-lib because i don’t think the feelings when they are so certain ^{[my name]} knows all his lines and is good at following instructions

let’s just say i am everything that i can’t stop from being what i am. completely ignores the whole other shit i’ve got going on – this is the other thing that yes i have thought about, have enjoyed teasing into maybe. it’s so completely not about me any more – what if i give this fucking grip completely – the irresistible mote of empowerment that my pure intentions always want to give impulsively, because there is something i would never come it so suicidally – think someone was arrogant for having feelings, daft in what those feelings are – entitled in what they will presumptuously be predicted to be

it’s just who i am. there is no way i’m leaving this world not knowing what happens when these feelings become more than just a dramatic contrivance – for anyone to even know is going on somewhere their monopoly board doesn’t appear to let anyone go – in a delightfully unexpected and completely unpredictable / not a very ^{[whoever d fq]} will be able to find out for me, so easily sort of a way. the thought that it will somehow equally be something that i will never forget almost makes it worth the level of fucked i already am anyway somehow worth it and liberating for me to not be so completely taken aboard by

i come from a world where if there was anything about ya, you would fuck things up just for the chance of chaos – and when everythin fucks up, you make a big hole that all of your friends can come through and bring completely out of control in pure love for one another. it’s not like that anymore. if you don’t feel the desperation that creeps into the way everyone else automatically makes this disrespectful “cringe” and still don’t hate yourself because of … everyone will make it their mission to co-ordinate something that effectively and in a way they are certain they have fucked with your feelings because that can fail to validate the entire thing if forgotten – provoking an even more intense wave of desperation in all of them, making it more urgent that you must feel like shit – because it has now become the only thing that stops all of them from looking as desperate as they can’t see they all currently are – try even face achingly harder to hurt you so you will know what happens to people who dares to express anything abowt em no matter how it would still be so much more validating and empowering if you all joined forces instead of uniting against one person to bully and intimidate out of trying to be a loved and respected character

once upon a time it was a weapon no one would expect against me. now some people know the dance and fuckin all the steps – sometimes out drivin or whatever sat there thinkin, you reckon? nah – just seein what i wanna see right? how would anyone come to speak to me so fluently and not having said a word. is more curious and beautiful about this world than anything i could be reduced to or driven once and for all by