westid

we were gonna do it on the first saturday after my birthday, it was all booked. no one who pretends they give a shit now pretended to give a shit then – and they were happy for the both of us

when they finally let me go, and they took me home. that was the last time i was allowed to stay there. this came on a random, and i hallucinated my clothes didn’t fit and my hair got longer. i never believed it, i thought it was another world, but as the radiation from the monitor at point blank range burned my eyes and my tired pain-motivated, i started to hallucinate

then this came on: https://youtu.be/JrTgH5w46IU

every time it comes on a la random, it takes me back there. don’t think there’s anything anyone else could do that would ever top the way i felt that 4 days. all i could do was cry, bleed, and fall asleep. never wannid anyone so bad, never fuckin appreciated anything else i had

have you ever hallucinated? have you ever watched the walls breathe and the white noise until you start to think that this is too much … and you’re starting to go mad?

she gave it to me before she left. ever since, wow; i can see everything. how is madness contagious? i don’t know, but i begged her for it tempting fate every encounter we would lay, no one ever told me the way that things were going to turn out that day. but she seemed like she was ready for it, had all her things packed up ready to move away

she never got down on her knees for me i know she had a taste for it. i went down on her for days literally, she never made it out of the house. that was fine by me

i could talk to you in person or i would just have the things that made me smile up here for everyone else to see. obviously you’re not done with me, so what are you waiting for? she told me all about you, i never really listened until you started to come up on my screen … i know you wanted me to stop posting, but you read every single page turner i put down for you in between