westid

mother earth, in all of your ways you’re the opposite of me. but i feel it when i break something that was given to me in kindness. i could keep you, some days i’ve rendered your doings undoable – in the name of “more now than it would have if you hadn’t tried to control me.” but i let you go because in your quiet countenance you sweep above, beneath the wire. all i would be is blowing smoke, you would rain down hard on the desert countryside so someone like me couldn’t be so malignificent i would never tame pure nature with the naked flame

i’ve been saved, rescued. enabled, motivated, inspired. aspired to many a thing and many’s a thing i’ve got. but when they pulled me back into this fucking place i got to start swearing cos otherwise i don’t know what

what it’s like to be rescued
blue walls around me, a bunch of hospital people stood there ready to greet me – it’s my surpriiiiiiiiiiiiiiise! second birthday party. suddenly, no candles in sight but something’s alight … i feel fire creeping up from the line i’ve only just noticed is letting some kind of liquid go through a plastic tube into the veins on the back of my hand… into my chest, and then time stops for what seems like forever but no one ever hit that jackpot hun x … this moment you know this little countdown is over, all that’s left is ignition sequence start down at mission control … that bit between when it gets into the middle, “owh fuckk” then explodes all over my body in every direction – burning me from the inside out

and when it did that, they were all smiling. happy that they’ve finally gotten through to me. it’s never the medium that actually speaks to what they so benevolently bestow this … wonderful life-changing second chance upon me; but they are like the louboutin spike – red bottom from the blood test someone’s obviously took it upon themselves to do without waking me up and asking me first – they knew what they were dealing with before they put the line in / hooked this pure unadulterated physical pain. it would even torture and terrorise the most opiate naive brain — i dare say even yours, nature wanderer — that’s when the chain of thought has gone as far as it needs to – all your say-it-isn’t-so conclusions are eliminated and their prevarication calls it legit / you can only be left with one. that’s the bit where, ironically, i call upon these entitled ones with all their positions of moral superiority …

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp – oh yeah nowwww i need help. i was doing just fine til you turned up. “hold on be careful you’ve got a….” – fucking know what i’ve got mate! …. detaching all of their shitty plastic plugs and throwing them away. “we’re just going to hold you down so we can help you alright. stay calm, don’t take it out on us,” let’s analyse this for a moment: what would you do if someone comes up and just fucking drops you for some ridiculous fucking desperado reason, like what it says on your t-shirt, then they gurn like a gimp at you because if you have a problem they will just put you in hospital but if you’re not about going round fighting with dick heads because you have a mind that simply fallacies the argument with the word “why?” but you’re never going to ask because you might get dropped again for some other stupid reason like wondering why someone is hurting you like fuck and making out like it’s your fault somehow because “hard luck” – that’s when someone who is singling you out as an easy target to keep their reputation for violence up when you are both in the presence of “other people“, starts to make you feel like you’re the problem with all your answering back when in reality they are just questions and looking for a deeper level because surely it can’t be as servile as this, they must be reaching out to me for help because why does it only happen to me – have i done something for which i could just show a bit more respect and gain a more considerate understanding? but if you breathe a word about it and these so called “others” think your right to question some malignant twat why they really need to hit you when there’s an entire language of vocabulary to choose from to make your point effectively enough as most people manage to without you having to land on top of that.

in a tone of voice i haven’t heard since the first few days of primary school when i figured out they were just going to fuck off and leave me there all day, and now even though i am cheered by this happy gang of sadistic bastards into such a ridiculously maddening situation …. the second coming embodied all that was left needed doing was for some cunt to bring me the cake so i could blow the candles out…. – having just pumped me with what it feels like when you burn yourself but on the inside, anywhere a blood vessel can reach – what do they do? they fucking plug it back in. one or two more of them hold down that pesky limb. and they’re lying to your face because all they did to rescue your nuts from the dry roast was wake you up by doing what they know is going to hurt you the most

welcome to my neo-liberal fascist nightmare. this burning planet where people get paid just to care

i don’t think i ever needed saving. but there are still things. i don’t rob people or set them up no matter what i might be craving. and it’s been a long while since anyone asked me if i had any numbers, but i give you all so much it’s hard to touch on the situations that so i kept my mouth shut. and i don’t give it up because of the way you’re behaving. you will never break my personal discipline, you’ve better chance of breaking the flag stones i “found” with uncle paul, he left layer upon layer – all the way down to the floor beneath the patio paving

but i’m not made out of what you’re about. and good honest people like paul, but wouldn’t bend over and bite down for no cunt though. i just let someone be fucking out of order because one thing being imprisoned – by the heroes, and alongside the villains – there comes this point where i realise i’m not angry enough to keep up the rage i might have for a moment envisioned. it cuts just as deep as your blood test cannula shit incisioned, but truth be told i can’t stay angry enough to hold onto the wrath it barely even provisioned

maybe i am like you. maybe i resist everything that they tell me to because i don’t want to wreak havoc, i want to find my zen again because that’s when nothing else matters around me and my world becomes bigger than i could – even if i did have a couple of ribs removed – moving on my own, come to be

no one is bigger than they are on their own
what any bit of that, in any possible interpretation, is not worth having. in no uncertain anticipation, it’s not going to come to me for all the rats i pied piper my pretty way into the river out of town. only one thing that lets me forget where i want to keep going and find out where it ends up at