westid

i’m not levelled by a real woman the same way other men are. i don’t want to be put in my place at the feet of one deteriorating pantomime re-enacted tribute to the shortcut between the houses on cromwell street. that’s why none of the self appointed neo-liberal facists, trying pitifully to keep up the as-false-as-everything-else-about-them narrative take advantage of my mental health have the courage even when i black out the livestreams off the premises come to the front and invite you all inside to see what i really are themself. they would rather rummage around in the bushes or take the piss from the safe distance of their grandstand set-up across the road than come face to face with the reality that they’re full of shit that they already know but once their entourage of confirmationistas see who i really am without their modifying spin on it then it’ll start to show

i know this can be a hard reality for those people who are reading this to grasp, but i can assure you the one that fucks with me day and night will piss all over your pitiful guilt for the bullying shit face caboret showcase you have so selfishly built

once upon a time in a nightmare rite of passage for every comprehensive taught at the appropriate cognitive ability level class age, the first time i lay my eyes on the kind of aphrodite stricken even though they didn’t fully know yet i could still see it show all the women around her because of how mutually sensual and magnetic purest X chromosome possible example they found her. she came one dinner time to steal some of my food and sit with me, a small price to pay on my part, but had something more to say than advancing in a playful way just to come and steal food under the guise of wanting to come and chat some shit with me

what i learned was too big to put into some nicely worded rhyme or sometimes even alliterative sonnets i like to turn my words into all the time to try and say. but next time you think it’s funny why don’t you listen to me before you decide to get back on the bandwagon and ride away

you aggravate so many people i work with because you can see what they have even broken away from their happily married routines to come and quietly sometimes drunkenly say to me. that’s what they can’t figure out how to make you behave but i don’t even have to try do i? there’s something inside you that goes beyond the simple way any boy would have feelings for a girl – like you fall into the hierarchy the same way they do, and have the sort of sensual look in your eyes the same way they do – there’s more to it than just being taken aback by the strong mind of a woman, the incidental observation that comes out when you deride them speaks with the same kind of passion they secretly come to me whenever they have come to confide with the same kind of passion even though their lives pretend can’t hide the person that they really are inside has the motivation to tell me the feelings i have for people co-incide

the default supposition of the heterosexual man may well have let me proceed – when once i lived in the world of the beauuuudiful people – to be accepted as valid human feelings the [albeit extinct] desires of what i am, and everything or anything . but when someone pays it forward it’s like a broken mirror to me. seven years of bad luck that the smashing overhead of what everyone else sees, doesn’t fuck me up so much so that i would rather be chastised by someone i will ever know than be someone who would exist more prominently than ever before had they not been buried alive under physical layers such as these

today for the first time ever i medicated away the spiritually demolishing way of being, because who i am will never be valid now i have awakened from being the pallid sleepwalking mentalist who did just fine, until i got too close and the upped the dose of if you can see me then even subject to your annihilation of the bastard what shows, lets the bitch inside walk on while she knows neither the being nor the beauty beneath the beast will shine, will never be mine

all that she wants is to be noticed through the vacant fool even the slightest cruel gesture will make her feel alive and feel the push and the pull of that beautiful mind you could never hope to even know what you have to show for til it leaves you behind

i don’t need that bastard to validate you because he doesn’t know what’s happening to him. he’s just feeling me and i’m everything he wants to be