westid

so, lately driven to look for things in the cabinet. all these things that hadn’t happened yet. all those people who were still with us, some of which were us. poised people ready to cause such a jack in the box, even now they are diligently going on about it. things that were said, reactions that it got whether it was real or not. peaks i had reached in my life albeit very shortly lived. things i would have said then if i had more mind’s eyesight than the 20:20 quarterly digest of colloquial hindsight. people i would have let go of that were only meant to leave me

some of you people, my fans, past and present. but not to worry, it’s not routinely going up on social media, any more; yourselves appear in this sacred place. never going to forget though …

all those times i stood there, gazing into the abyss, going on about diving headfirst and that beautiful way the water looks when you go straight into it and see the surface is quite a while above you in the distance. i would have done. i would have saved them all. but all i saved is in the cabinet, and it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, sometimes though …

how ideal an exstence would it be, had it been lived in this / that moment forever. never any prospect of many more to come just like it. none of which i’m mindful, anyway

the opposite sex. i used to think some of them could read your mind. the rest of them that didn’t, if any, could read each other’s mind / communicate with one another in that way. unbelievable it would be if i told you how long i believed that, and sometimes i still get curious / uncertain about it. if we had control of the situation all of the time, there was no uncertainty, no enigmatic fantasy, no way of knowing for sure what is true and how deeply you have to dig for the answers come what may – then what would be the point in wanting to know? i’d rather be locked into the motivation of romance and wonder, the very idea of which could make you break out into love, even if you are only a little curious, just trying to discover; who are you? where did you come from? why do you make me feel like this? questions you won’t always find a straight answer to, but put you in that magical, calm epicentre – as the whirlwind all around you goes up in the air, this quiet, beautiful moment. the only person all of this will ever make sense to; the only one it needs to reach in the first place

when someone looks at you like that, and suddenly they grip you. one look can do that, and when you least expect it. it doesn’t take a mind reader to figure out how another human being can suddenly, and surprisingly – that shock – have such an hold on you. sometimes, whatever we try to ignore or deny, that moment, feeling, is what we live for. there is nothing else like it, and when it happens you never forget it