westid

the petrified look in your eyes glazes over only moments before you are forever turned to gold. she was one of us. one of us? we all have green eyes. i don’t appreciate the accusing look that goes through me for my trouble. but i understand where it came the meaning behind it. that will keep until someone decides to trust me once again, until when a certain something i can’t change

i wanna see for myself but the moment that i make a move they will strip me clean down to my bones like army ants deadly, the only thing you can do is keep still while they’re crawling all over you or they will instantly feel your presence around the structures that they link arms to create – then before you know it – all of them are gone, left annihilate or some similar state

i’m on a roll right now, and my role right now is tailor made. i wanna go down and fade away all over again until i’ve lost all the things i would proper miss, but i’m not staring across the same sort of abyss, i just want to come in from the night and you know your light shines enough that i can’t dim you down or dismiss but i know i’ll get a slap because your beauty is just a trap for anyone foolish enough to want even something so patient as a goodnight kiss, in sweet ignorant bliss

once upon a time i would do anything just to be in your frame and someone would still have been real glad that i came even though i know – especially after all the words in my shell of caution and the warnings, climbing and dropping out the upstairs windows mornings – i would only have myself to blame

some things will never change but i can feel how things are different now and i feel it, proud to have wisdom beyond my years, though they’re moving in ever closer and putting me under pressure with the same hopes, better fantasies though, no longer a social media poster, but i’m going in an out of it like a roller coaster come through the middle of town, not such a big deal but you will hear the sound of me coming down

what are you doing making choices like that? it’s not really that popular anymore, even with all of my gold they still with-hold the dead man’s hand put everything about me all in just to read em and weep and fuck the whole thing off, cut my losses and fold

i don’t want to commit to any of the measures that i’d take, that would add up to the risk in the high stake point i’d have to make, but even if it weren’t made of solid gold, i’d still hold on to something that’s made to last forever and never wake from living the dream that would break the falling down the bottomless black hole from which, after all this time, i only ache

where i would only ever put myself in danger, arrange a tryst with a mutual stranger, out of my range her sentinels detectives and soldiers would come about only to try and figure me out and make me be without a chance to be a man of my word or completely different from that what you may have heard; never had a first chance to begin with yet i’ve somehow blown what i wish you would come closer and figure out on your own because – even if you think anything i have or haven’t done is unimpeachable – on the brink of living down to what you think, or were just told, to one another we are simply unreachable, even though we would learn the truth from one another, and i’d finally get to learn things about you that cannot be teachable off pure blood or a close mate, if you and me only had one each would me make that one opportunity count rather than another piss take that will only amount to the amusement of any others or whatever ridicule would hold us back from being any route we could take to surround ourselves with us like curious creatures or even lovers

i’m sick of having all of the luck and getting the things that i want, and i can put up quite a front if my thoughts about you were to be torn out page after page by some other cunt pulling some kind of dick head stunt, or find a reminder that you’re the predator and i’m just the helpless prey about to find out the reality of the ultimate end to our fair human nature, goddess of the hunt

for a while now it’s been so that i’d rather go and observe from a long enough distance, your ample strong enough resistance where all around you is the insistance of people who are never going to show you something i’ve got right in my soul here, even though without us coming up to one another i can never truly have the chance to grow in your eyes and let you truly know what you have wanted to get to the bottom line about even from such a long time ago, the time we are wasting away drives on uneventful and slow – but even you can’t deny the low level on which we keep, that feeling what interrupts your chain of thoughts when you try to go to sleep, all that gets through to you from me is talk and we both see that talk is cheap. although i will reap what i sow, i hope you understand that my feelings run deep i’ll have you blindly climb the learning curve you might think just too steep or overgrown to ever take the leap of faith that we would both need to do – if i won’t turn you into gold – the both of us on our own, and just us alone

i don’t break things or hearts just for the sake of my own greed, i would indeed seek out things for myself that could make my heart bleed, being so bad for my health, or draining away all of my wealth and assets; throw down any test you want of me now and i know i would pass it, but would you class it as just trying to give you what i “probably” think that you want, this character here no more than just a veneer that wouldn’t last – but i don’t have the moral high ground to waste your time fucking around, i think i wouldn’t cast another judgement i could only have come up with by working around all the pawns around you tied into you so deep because they had the pleasure of being part of your past or smug standing in the way as though trying to say i’m going nowhere fast and i’ll never pass through their loyalty that will keep me far removed, but it’s not really needed because i have nothing to prove and i won’t turn you into solid gold just so i can hold you for a split second just as some sort of move

what am i trying to say after all? it’s a tall order i’m either goin to fly or be shot out of the sky to make sure i fall before you know deep in your heart that i would wear with all, if you might let me in it could be only once but trust me, you only need to make that call, and you will finally get to know – and not just wonder if or when – i would take that only opportunity to give myself – and no matter what it might end up like, i would risk it all. they could bring me down on my hands and knees and still through the broken glass i would climb over, bleeding for you in the limbo of truth, toward your pure beauty and your youth, i would just have to crawl

wake up from another dream i had while i was still awake, one time you let me in, for me to no longer have regrets about it, that’s all it would take