westid

you’re never going to believe me so i’m not going to try and convince you, but i can see the future. i try to pretend that it’s only because everything going on around me is just as desperate and predictable today as it had always been. i saw my sister as she is now two years before she was born. i had this horrible nightmare where this girl in town was telling all of her mates that i’ve killed someone and CID were coming to speak to me while i was at work and i lost my job a couple of days later. now sometimes they still come up and speak to me about it – but in too deep with it then, when grief turned into curiosity

i couldn’t dwell on these things and live at the same time. i had to choose one. but i didn’t keep my options open … even when you are brought face to face, and in no uncertain terms, with what you want in your life – we still play this shit game where we pretend we were better off over here instead – and if it hurts enough maybe try and make out that it’s better with someone else on top – but denial is probably the most predictable one of them all

you don’t know me. that’s alright i know there’s nothing i can do that will ever change that. but i’m not going to pretend that i didn’t miss you even though save for a couple of minutes one time that was just taken up by some irrelevant mongoloidus maximus and whatever it was coming out with. i wasn’t being gullible or trying to be rude – desperado just faded into the background. i was listening to someone else

don’t flatter yourself either, i don’t need anyone else to make myself. i don’t presume you were ever going to wait for me. there were never any ‘last word’ to cling onto for you, but if there was i know i would have been listening, whether or not you deserve it

how can you get jealous or hurt of something. someone, that was probably never available even to begin with. not really. not like i can just come up and say hi. not like i’m going to steal your soul. not like i’m going to get down in between and eat you alive

what’s the point in making such a big deal about it? if you have to keep some sort of face up just for me, or a screw face [even your screw face though …] if you think you need to do childish little things like that, then perhaps the gullible one out of all this shit is you

now this post – it’s for everybody. you come here, you read my shit, you talk amongst yourselves. i’ve said time and time again, on numerous ‘platforms’ and other ree tardid shit – come and talk to me if you want. if you really want the fucking truth, if you really want me to know what you think. who is even telling you all this shit? what are they even telling you? why …. do you even have to show me you care more than you want anyone to know? i’m not part of your pecking order. ignorance is bliss

it’s not though. ignorance is horrible. it’s hostile, it’s a bunch of sad cunts making a political statement because … ? maybe you can fill in the blanks for me because i’m not part of your little pecking order. and all these dick heads who pretend they are ‘concerned’ about me never come anywhere near. and when they’re not making up how crazy wondering what i’m doing right now, they’re just sat there actually wondering what i’m doing right now

what if some dick head was exaggerating negligible shit that you don’t even remember?

i’m not chasing anyone. they’re not really running away from me, they are running away from themselves. and for what reasons i don’t know – but it’s easier to take the piss out of me than actually deal with whatever underneath that really is

the only thing that fucks people up about me is that i tell them the truth. and when someone tells me the truth, the real truth not the version someone is secretly wanking over me with by masking over their imaginative thoughts as taking the piss out of me with their friends none of whom have ever had 1 conversation with me either, i will listen

take the piss do whatever you want have a laugh i don’t care. sometimes it is actually pretty funny, the shit someone else comes out with for a change. whatever this presence is that you think you need to turn invisible from for some bizarre submerged beneath the surface, it’s not me. and i would love to just notice for once maybe, some people no one in particular [and i mean that], that someone out there – the truth is out there – knows that

you know. that’s all i’m assed about. your move [i’m not playing by any rules but what you make]