A mere twelve hours and thirty-nine minutes into the day and I have been touched by true helplessness. Imagine being told that sorry, you’re going to be in pain for the rest of your life. Then please describe it to me because I couldn’t
Do you ever see where on occasion someone you really care about, quietly going through it, petrified. No it’s fine, whaddya mean, nothing important, I’m used to it by now, don’t wanna rock the boat, it doesn’t matter what I think. No! I am not the best listener in the world, and from every approachable angle I put up with shit all the time because I’m too proud or actually, it’s more like patience. Sooner or later it doesn’t matter; take that as a given. what’s happening now couldn’t possibly have the energy or the resources to make it happen forever. Although death is a part of life, I don’t want to come back. Once I’m done here that rest as it edges ever closer in all directions, tightening its grip as is the case with us all … looks more and more beautiful with every passing day
Someone very close to me is in pain. I can see the pain in the ways that even if subtle, presents itself a bit prominently for me not to notice. Yet in such irony I have a face blindness that torments me in its own little way. I know this is something that various people I’ve never met take the piss out of me for sometimes – but if you’re in pain I can help. Rather, if you follow my advice and trust me I can help. Certainly not every kind of pain, no further than all the things to relieve you that you would have tried already; but I know what the doctor would have given you if they weren’t so diet-and-exercise. There is a book called the BNF, it’s like the prescription bible. Most decisions from your GP and other people of that level or higher will have been straight from this book, particularly young newly qualified >= general practice
Here’s where my dilemma comes into it … I can help, and I know it will work. If it wouldn’t or I wasn’t 100% sure, I would not offer to help. Consider this: a very low maintenance regimen that I can do to help wouldn’t even notice if it were done in the strictest confidence of a doctor. Because I’m an ordinary, treatment which the GP or NHS referral clinic would normally give you is just completely laughable. Some times, even I laugh at the advice I’ve just given out because well it would make me look a right pillock, and on rare occasion, feel like one. Chuck a couple of mean girls into the mix and anyone’s fair game, why would that make me in the least bit surprised? When the fishes float to the top, fishing for a reaction; sigh it looks like you’re going to have to make a reaction yourself if you want to go head to head
Well it’s come to the point that I can really help this someone this time – but titrating doses and to monitor your improvement might seem a little laughable to you, but I would look after you day and night if you ever needed it. Those of you who know of me ought to zoom in on the picture the pretty people of this dirty old town have painted, appreciate the sentiment but 0 fucks given albeit that it’s the thought that counts. Besides which, I’m basking in all this notoriety.
At the moment, this “there is nothing wrong with you” culture in the health service that’s going on needs to halt as soon as possible because, since the culture change in 2010, even though professionals of human anatomy have got the keys to the tree house and pulled the ladder up behind them such that you may not follow; is one factor in many that ought to give the choice of treatment back to the patient
Even in prison there is a general declaration form that you can sign, looks a bit like this: while continuing on <medication> I have been informed of the general risk of treatment (side effects, interactions, comorbidity), the choice of treatment is my own and this is my body so if I’ve made the wrong choice the prescribing physician is not liable in the event of death, dangerous interactions with food / drink / other substances, and any other advice of which I may or may not agree
Not the most eloquent picture I’ve ever painted, but you get the idea. Treatment (not drugs) for a legitimate clinical need can be life-changing. I’m not just talking about physical pain relief. Because believe it or not the wealth of options at the fingertips of prescribing physicians is largely not given a second glance
If anyone who is a prescribing physician happens to be reading this, remember this: Informed Consent! Now, go and get that FP10 printed off, fully in the knowledge that you’ve told your patient or client of the risks, remark your objection to this method of treatment if you need to – but don’t blackball someone’s medical file if all they need is a little help from their doctor. I don’t need to be reminded of the consequences of that but every few weeks they sit together all nonchalant while they stamp [DENIED] on your desperate cries for help
If this is what the health service hopes to accomplish – as was the case with the silent and unseen disposal of hundreds of thousands of disabled / vulnerable people – then well done, health service; message received
Though far or near, I can feel the love that leaks out from inside of here. It is plagued by the toxicity of expectations and fear. If you trust me, I could probably help you. If not me, speak out to anyone, before them and their love may disappear
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